Don't use money as a proxy for other unsettled issues
The other issue is that tough economic times, such as those we face now, can lead to more stress and financial conflicts. More choices have to be made, leading to more potential sources of disagreement and friction.
If one person works and gets “the” paycheck, then that can lead to an imbalance, as we pointed out earlier.
This is more common when one person is the homemaker and the value of their effort doesn’t immediately translate into dollars.
The homemaker’s contribution should be valued by wise couples. The cooking, cleaning and taking care of of kids can be directly monetized. Just estimate the cost of a cleaner, cook and nanny and you’ll quickly see that the homemaker has great value.
Our Financial Styles are Not the Same
We need to understand the other person’s financial style and try to complement each other. One person clips coupons, another is better at stock investments and has no tiime for coupons.
One person is great at balancing the home budget, the other is talented at managing the 401K. Complement each other and don’t despise the other person for not having your particular skills.
Some husbands happily turn over the paycheck to their wife (and vice-versa) because they know that she (or he) has much more talent for balancing the home budget. They are simply great at their day job.
A Budget is Critical
More important than styles though, is having a budget. Every family should have a budget…and stick to it. Use Excel or some other specialized software like Quicken, but have a budget.
Work it out together and decide on weekly, monthly and longer-term goals. If you go off track once in a while or have unexpected expenses, dont get discouraged. Just review and go forward from there.
In addition, you should always have an emergency fund worth 3-6 months of living expenses in case there is a job loss or some other crisis. That should be at the top of your priorities.
That said, always keep your goals and the big picture in mind and pick your battles with your spouse. Don’t fight about a $5 fashion magazine that wasn’t budgeted for if it doesn’t affect your goals.
Proxy Battles
Talking about picking your battles, don’t let money fights become a proxy battle for other unresolved issues. If there are other issues at play, try to resolve them, instead of using the purse strings as a weapon.
Don’t like one of the in-laws? Talk about it instead of pleading budget cuts as a way of avoiding a family reunion. That is usually more productive, especially if you were talking about going on vacation the previous day.
Concluding Thoughts
In conclusion, don’t use money as a weapon in relationships, value non-monetary contributions of your partner, avoid masking other issues with money arguments, and this will lead to improved relationships with better communication and shared goals.
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